Today is October 14th, almost halfway over!! Where has the time gone? I get off of work at 4pm and I feel like I have no time for myself. What do I do? I try to get all my reading done and clothes ironed and laid out during my break time so that I don't stress myself out. I see Patrick about 1 hour a day because we have opposite schedules this month. I don't even work out everyday, yet by the end of the evening I am completely exhausted. I am not mentally stressed out but my body feels constantly tense like I'm going to get sucker-punched in the back at any moment during the day.
This is a new type of stress that I have never experienced. I have nothing to be stressed about, but I am stressed out. Does that make sense? Maybe I am totally losing it!! I have been using the tap water to make my oatmeal during my morning break. I might have to change that.
Last night I spent some time trying to make sense of it. I realized that I am not accustomed to this monthly schedule change. As much as I would like to be adaptable and flexible with change, I have to be realistic and know that it does not come easy for me. I like routine. I like doing the same steps in order every morning. I totally have to do things in a particular pattern to feel like my day starts off well. For the past three years I have worked at the same school, with the same group of students, and had the same route to work. You should have seen the car rides in the morning when Patrick had to take me to work because one of our cars were in the shop. I would make him go the same route and tell him why I chose this route as he laughed at my dorkiness.
When I change my schedule it takes me about 3 weeks to become accustom to it. Once I finally get into a rhythm it changes all over again. I am into my third month so.....nine more months to go; a walk in the park :) Tonight I finally feel relaxed. I had dinner with the hubby, watched a trashy American drama, and now I am going to read. Who knew that a horrible rendezvous with 90210 would make everything feel better. The original show, not the reincarnated version.
This was just a small insight into my never-ending self discoveries. I always knew that I wasn't awesome with change, but God really makes it loud and clear for me here. I started reading a book called Life Lessons, and it's all about reflecting on who you are and how you affect all those around you. It asks some really interesting questions, each chapter addresses a new lesson. I chose it for my upper level class that has read some tough novels, thinking it would be interesting to see what they think about self-reflection. My intentions were to challenge my students to think using a different perspective; discovering my own life has been a bonus. Or is it the other way around?
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